I see these lists all over the place. They both cheer and frustrate me.
You see they are right.
If you follow these ‘rules’ you will have a happier life; the research will back it up.
But how? Its so easy to say. But if you’ve spent your entire life worrying about what others think, always comparing, with your past haunting you and thoughts that go round and round in your head; can you just change and switch your thinking?
Well you might be able to. But you’ll be using your conscious mind to interrupt yourself. To ‘try’ and convince yourself.
The truth is, if your default is the opposite of any of these rules, those patterns will be deeply ingrained in your subconscious mind. The subconscious runs on emotions and automatic pilot. You can try and override it, but it will take a lot of energy, may not last and deep down you won’t buy it.
I remember what it was like to read these things and feel like someone had dangled a carrot that was completely out of my reach. Some of my clients come to me literally twisting themselves into unnatural shapes to try and think or feel what the latest ‘positive thinking’ pop up says they should.
Its doubly frustrating because I know there are ways to shift those subconscious patterns so unhelpful beliefs and defaults fall away and we find ourselves naturally living these rules. It’s what I help my clients do. Here’s what one of them has said:
“Constantly worrying about what other people thought of me [had] held me back and prevented me from putting myself forward. I feel like something has shifted in my head and it is almost like a block has been removed. I feel more comfortable putting myself out there and being seen.”
These rules work, if you’re already largely there and are having a moment of doubt. If not, and you want to be able to feel like this, I can help you get there.