So many of us just accept that having doubts is normal. We get so used to thinking that way that we don’t even notice the self-deprecating thoughts that go round and round in your head. And to some extent they may be right. Even the most confident people on the planet have healthy questions about what they’re capable of, whether they have what it takes and whether they choose to go there. But they don’t doubt who they are, their value as a human.
You may be quite aware that your internal thoughts are not always your best cheer leaders. You may be doing a lot of convincing yourself the negative thoughts are not true. You may still find that despite awareness and trying, those thoughts still seem to rule your life!
So, how do you know when you’ve had enough of all that and its time to do away with doubt?
You’ve got to a point where that lack of confidence in yourself is starting to cause some sort of pain in your life. Not a physical pain (although self-doubting thoughts can manifest in actual physical symptoms). More that you feel enough discomfort on the inside to be aware. It could be that you just can’t switch off the constant overthinking. It could be that you’re fed up not doing what you know you should. It could be that you’ve just suffered a knock back and you know you only have yourself to blame. It can creep up on you. Sometimes life deals us an experience that brings it home sharply; a breakup, a missed promotion, a harsh bit of feedback. Often, we dismiss our pains… but we know they are there.
You’re also becoming aware that without the ‘pain’ there would be something tangible for you to gain. What it is for you will be unique, but here are some common asks that my clients share: To stop the overthinking and constantly doubting myself so I can focus on what’s important. To feel confident meeting new people and forming new relationships. To feel like I’m really performing at work and that my colleagues respect me. To really know what I want to do, and to secure that role. To feel good enough around people, no longer hiding myself away.
Finally, you’re ready to take some action. There is enough reason to lift the lid and unpack what’s underneath. Sorting out the lies from the truths and then designing new thoughts and actions that support your confidence and aspirations. Sometimes people say to me ‘Oh gosh, but if I unpack all of what’s in my I might just end up with a total mess that I can’t pack away again.’ It’s normal to be a little apprehensive when faced with digging into the thoughts and patterns which have been keeping you in self doubt; you know you’re ready when you have the WILL to want to face them all the same.
And, with a coach like me, you’re not doing this on your own. It’s not like taking apart the washing machine and then not knowing how to put it back together again. You will have an expert at your side. Someone who understands exactly where you are, but also knows exactly how to guide you through the process so you can put everything back together in a way that’s more calm, confident and assured than you ever could have imagined.
There’s a reason why I often bring humour… not everything that’s holding you back will be easy. A lighthearted and playful approach makes even the darkest memories and thoughts easier to crack.
So I invite you to consider; how you’re feeling PAIN, what there is to GAIN and how much WILL is there to just get rid of the thoughts, feeling and patterns which create that self doubt. When you’ve got all three, we should talk.